In a Joy Quest…What about Grief?

As I am writing this post, and my book, “Joy Quest,” I have lost my Dad. Actually, 24- hours ago he left this life. I have had the time to really think about my thoughts and feelings on grief.

I am a daddy’s girl: no Grater love, my Dad.  I had a chance to see him before he passed. During the COVID pandemic, I am fortunate. My brother and sister could not come and say goodbye.

I knew years ago that this is why I should be here in Houston. I saw in a dream my Dad’s passing, and I knew I wanted this relationship. I needed to be near. It was a strong inspiration from spirit, and I moved to Houston with only my clothes and a 19-inch tv.

One of the best times of my life, I was getting to have this relationship with my Dad for the last eight years. Not to mention all of the other blessings that have unfolded by listening to the guidance of my inner being.

But, grief is a powerful emotion, so let’s talk about it.

Everyone has a belief in what death is and what it entails. Some fear death because It is the great unknown.

Let me share what I’ve experienced the last few days being so close to the death and grief experience. You do not have to agree. Death is a personal experience.

I lost my first husband suddenly when I was 32 years old, and he was 38. My daughters were 12 & 5, and we had 12 years together. That was a sudden loss. We loved each other as young people do, and though I was working the graveyard shift – I knew the moment he left.

My Dad was a slow transition. We knew he was leaving us and we or at least I had a chance to say goodbye, It was not the virus, it was vascular dementia. I got two minutes of clarity with him four days before his passing to say what he needed to hear and to tell him one last time that I love him.

A failing body and a failing mind, but not a failing spirit.

My family talked. We cried, and we talked some more, we remembered and shared stories. We cried more.

I talked with my stepmom, the day I visited with my Dad. We discussed grief. Remember, I have a degree in psychology and certified in women’s ministry, so I came from both vantage points.

Grief is a selfish, yet absolutely vital emotion to feel.

Selfish in the fact that it has no impact on the one who has left. Grief is all about how much we miss the physical presence of the one who left. Grief is alright. Feel it, go through it, rage in it if you need to, express it, and feel it more. Grief comes like waves. It represents the love you have for the one who left.

When I suddenly lost my husband and had two daughters to care for, I suppressed my grief and played the strong person. I actually held it at bay for ten years before the dam broke.

Grief is not easy, but it can be refreshing.

Death is a transition that we, as humans, don’t quite understand. We do not really fear passing we fear dying.

My husband and my Dad transitioned. Their time here as we know it was complete. They moved on, but they are not gone. They have expanded.

This morning I took time to meditate, to connect to my spirit. I felt him, my Dad, in a way I’ve never felt him before. I felt a lifetime of love, and so much more. I felt his peace and joy of where he is now. I felt that since he has expanded into the being of God, he is always here.

I didn’t lose my Dad; I now have a stronger connection with spirit. He is now a part of all that I can connect to with the wholeness of my inner being.

The love of God, the infinite and unlimited intelligence that is available  to us all.

Love and Blessings,
Ashley J Spurgeon

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