Our lives are always evolving. If you close your eyes and look back ten years you will see that your life is very different now than it was then.
Do you like what it has become? Do you enjoy your journey, embrace your path? Do you even know what your path is? Are you living in default mode, just letting it create without putting much thought into what you want your life to be?
I come across so many people who want a different life than what they are living. They need a change but don’t know how. My practice is about transforming lives. So, let’s begin the journey on how to do just that.
I spent last weekend with a publishing company solidifying the plans for my new book and this is the basics it is built on. In coaching we work one-on-one, or small groups. With a book I know I can reach so many more. Let me know if you would be interested in the pre-order, I’ll sign you up. It will be exciting and life changing. Coming Soon!
So, what do you do when you feel unsettled and unhappy with your life? Some get a new haircut, buy a new outfit, start hitting the gym 2-hours a day, 7-days a week. You may find a new job or even move to a new city.
These changes will feel good at first but then the dissatisfaction creeps back in, you find yourself stuck in the same unhappiness. Why? Because you are you and it all starts there.
How do you change this?
Well, as I said before that you are living life by default, not by choice. You change the outside not the inside.
I have a very important question for you. Do you love yourself? Do you even like who you are? Do you see and celebrate your amazing gifts and uniqueness? Do you know what amazing potential you have and how you can impact the world around you?
You need to fall in love in love with yourself. It may sound selfish, but it really is the most giving thing you can do. The world can’t love you if you don’t love yourself first.
You say to me, “But you don’t know what I’ve done.” You beat yourself up over your failures, mistakes and bad choices. I know, I’ve been there. As of today, those no longer matter. That was you yesterday, not you today.
Just the fact that you are still reading tells me that you want to do more, be more and give more. And you can.
The first thing you need to do is spend time with yourself. This makes many people uncomfortable. If you cannot spend time with you, why should anyone else? Take time to know you; who you want to be and let’s create that person. Let’s draw him or her out into the world. You are there we just need to see them.
The first step is to acknowledge yourself. Do a self-evaluation and see where you are and where you have been. Where are you now and who do you want to be. You may not even know, just that it is so much more then this.
This is not a quick step. Do this over several days. Get a notebook. I buy cheap spiral notebooks for 99 cents. I buy quite a few.
Take three pages. At the top of each write page numbers in order, 1 on the first one, 2 on the second and 3 on the third.
The first page is your past. The second is your present and the third is your future.
Page 1 – The Past
Quickly and without putting too much thought into it, write out those things in your past that keep replaying in your mind. The hurt, mistakes, upset, and pain. Write them out and set them aside for later. You can be honest because no one else will read these.
Page 2 – The Present
Write at the top
I am Grateful For:
Write down what you have in your life that you are grateful for. Close your eyes for a minute and look around your present life and start jotting down what blessing you see.
It can be a simple as being alive one more day, waking up this morning, having a job, a place to sleep at night, a friend.
This is all about you, no wrong answers.
Page 3 – Your Future
Write down the character traits you want people to see in you
Do you want to be kind, caring, empathetic, generous, loving and healing to others?
Write what you see as the best version of yourself? Don’t go by who you think you are based on the past or present. Who do you want to be if there were no restrictions or barriers on you?
I am going to walk you through some exercises that will change your thinking.
Most people live by default. You go through life pretty much on autopilot and you react to what happens that affect your life. But day after day, nothing really seems to improve. In this life you feel stuck, unhappy, anxious, depressed and even unmotivated.
If you can make even the smallest shift in your thinking you can begin steering yourself away from that default life. You can begin to see change.
Not sure how to do that? It is okay because you will not have to do it alone. We are not traveling through life alone. We just do not often take notice of the loving presence and guidance we do have.
I want you to find a comfortable, quite place to sit for a few minutes. Sit in any position that is comfortable to you. In a chair, on the floor, laying down, lotus pose. Whichever is most comfortable to you.
Breath deeply a few times. In through your nose and out through your mouth.
Roll your shoulders back and forward to release the tension. Roll your neck.
Now breath in again. As you do this feel yourself relax. As you feel yourself relax feel the energy inside of you. We are all made of energy. We are full of the spirit of the eternal. Feel your inner self, your spirit, your soul. As you breath let it expand out, let it radiate like a shining light. Think of the aura. Our spirits are much larger than our physical bodies.
Next feel the energy within you go from the base of your spine to the top of you head.
Remember, I said we are not alone in this. God promised, “I will always be with you.” Reach out and call to God, the source, your higher power, your spirit guide, and feel how you are connected as one. See your energy merge with the love of God. Let him surround you and embrace you. Feel how you are larger and more expansive than your body.
Let the love of God embrace you. Your heart feels calm and warm. Your body is relaxed.
You did not have to call him in, he was already there. You just need to feel his presence. Recognize that it is there, Always. Let God’s love surround you.
Do not let go of that feeling but bring your attention back to your breathing. Do you feel lighter? Know that this amazing loving presence is always with you and always emanating from us.
Shake out your hands, legs and arms and open your eyes.
God, the universe, what ever you wish to call it: I call him God, is love. That is the creative force of all that is, it is love. God does not make any mistake and he made us perfectly imperfect.
With this energy of the love of God, let us look at the first paper you wrote.
Forgiveness was one of the greatest gifts ever given to man. We are forgiven and we must forgive. The hardest person to forgive is yourself.
As you look at your list, you will now look through the eyes of love, from the love of God that surrounds you.
These are things you did before. Say you are sorry for the hurt and disappointment and know that you are no longer that person. You can leave things behind you because that is no longer who you are.
We are ever evolving beings – growing into more powerful, loving, compassionate people.
Holding onto the past hurts does not serve us well, and it doesn’t serve others at all.
This may feel silly but do it anyway. Wrap your arms around yourself. Close you eyes again. Squeeze them tight.
“I forgive you and I am proud of your growth. I will take what happened and grow from them so I can serve others in their healing and growth. I forgive you; I forgive you; I forgive you. I love you.”
Now, shake yourself out and come back to the room.
Put away page one.
Do you know how to attract into your life what you want?
It is through joy and love. When you radiate this energy to others, they are attracted to you like a magnet.
How do you attain a life of joy and love? Through thanksgiving.
Look at your list of what you are thankful for. Big or small it does not matter. Be thankful and feel it in your heart. Make this a daily practice. When you wake up in the morning as you put your feet on the floor say: first foot, “Thank”, second foot, “You”.
Thanksgiving can change your complete mindset about your life and your world. Make it a daily practice in the morning and at night right before you drift off to sleep.
Take the moments before falling asleep and think on thanks. This sets your subconscious mind with what to focus on as you sleep. When you wake, think of thanks. It will set your mood for your whole day.
Do you want to improve your relationships? Do you want to like your job again? The secret to turning any relationship or situation around is gratitude.
Let’s use relationships as an example. At the end of each day write down three things you noticed about your partner that you are thankful for. The first couple of days will be easy. After that you will have to pay attention. You cannot write the same things every day.
When you begin to pay attention, you become more aware of the other person. You also become more appreciative. After a while you will see that how you respond to, view and approach your partner and your relationship has shifted. After a few months of focusing on gratitude for this person and this relationship you will become aware of how they show up differently. How they react to you and respond to you will have changed. It began with you and the focus on being grateful every day.
You can use this practice for any relationship or situation in your life. Being thankful create an amazing shift in you. You cannot be thankful and angry at the same time. Thankfulness and gratitude create a joy which expands your loving spirit.
Joy and anger cannot reside together.
Get another notebook, again 99 cents, and on the front write “Gratitude Journal”. Every day at a time that is best for you, The morning when you wake, or in the evening before bed, write down three things about this person or situation that you noticed today that you appreciate, are grateful and thankful for. It only takes a few minutes. But over time create priceless rewards.
Page 3 – The Future Vision of You
Think of yourself as happy, healthy and transforms. Don’t just think of it; envision it. Now take your vision in the future three years from now. See the best you that you can be. What does that look lie?
Take out of the equation statements like:
I don’t deserve
I’m not qualified
Just write a dream, a passion, what would bring you great joy?
Don’t make a list of I don’t want, make a list of how your uniqueness, your gifts and passion can create and spread joy and love to others. How can you spread joy and share your gifts with the world?
Make your dream big.
Three years ago, I was living paycheck to pay check. Worse than that my checking account was seeing red before the next paycheck came in. I dearly missed my son who at age 6 my ex-husband took across the country and didn’t allow any visitations and hardly any phone calls. I couldn’t afford a lawyer to get him back. I hadn’t seen my son for several years and he was growing up without me and without my even knowing if he was happy and safe.
We were living in a bad part of Houston in a tiny apartment. There were shootings, fighting in the parking lot, drug deals and prostitution. It was scary and we did not go out at night. Especially being white.
We had two old cars that we worked on almost every weekend just to keep them running. I finally had enough.
I pray a lot. I envision my future and I know my destiny is so much more fulfilling than the life I was living. I believe the promises of God, “Ask and you shall receive.” Everything that I have wanted, I have received.
The universe is abundant and those who ask do receive.
If you are negative and believe you deserve pain and hardship that is what you will draw into your life.
If you ask and believe, are loving and live in joy you will draw that into your life. The law of attraction at work.
I received a $15K raise, not once but twice within one year. Twice! I bought a new car and my guy got a Harley. We bought a brand new, just constructed home in a nice area. My son came home – for good. I got my dream dog; I married a man who loves me and treats me very well.
Do you want to see a transformation in your life? Start conversing with God, your creator, the universe, and see yourself through those eyes. You are beautiful, perfect in your imperfection. God does not make mistakes. You have a life purpose. It is so much bigger than you.
You may have spent the last few years focusing on your hardships, pain, depression, and anxiety. You have turned to others or other things to try to block it out, avoid it or relieve it. Did that help? Did it heal? Did it bring you to love yourself and experience joy?
We were created to be of service to and bring healing to others. To create a path to joy and love around us.
When we stop focusing on the bad, we stop drawing that into us. When we focus on good, love and joy, and get out of our own way, we now have the shift needed. That 1% shift out of living by default. We are going to see exponential grown in our lives.
This is what transformational coaching is about. We are looking at the whole life and how to transform to our greatest gifts and potential. Contact me if you would like to have a transformational shift in your life. If you are looking at your God given gifts and potential to make a difference in the world. If you are in the Southeast Texas Area and would like me to come speak to your group, contact me.
Love and Blessings,
Ashley J. Spurgeon