Who do you spend the most time with?
Thank you so much for tuning in. I’m putting this in video format, but I am also writing it out for those who don’t want to sit through the video but enjoy reading. It will not be word-for-word, but it is the same content.
Today’s world can be challenging. We are bombarded from all sides with negativity, anger, hurt, bigotry, judgement, and jealousy. On TV, online, magazines, radio, reality TV, tabloids, everywhere you turn.
It is no wonder that people are scared, hurting, angry, and confused when this is what is pumping into your brain day in and day out.
Our desire and goal are to be happy, at peace, and to be happy with who we are.
How do we achieve that when we are bombarded with so much negativity? When we are consistently exposed to media telling us we are not slim enough, pretty enough or good enough?
Let’s look at ten simple steps to help change our outlook and get to know ourselves better. Become our own best friend.
- Turn off the news and other media that pumps out nothing but bad news.
My husband watches the news. I choose not to. While he is catching up on world events, I’m relaxing after a long day at work, reading a book, writing in my journal, looking at nature and listening to music I enjoy. Guess which one of us has a better outlook on live and possibilities at the end of the day. Guess who feels hope and purpose and drive.
I prefer movies to TV any day. I spent four years without cable, and this was before smart TVs and digital converters. I found I was happier, and I kept my weight down. Believe it or not my kids didn’t mind either. We would rent movies when we wanted that down time.
When I was back into the lifestyle that had a TV in our lives, I became less positive, and I gained a lot of weight. Pay attention to how many food commercials you see during one hour of a show. You are not hungry. How many commercials for medication? Now you are feeling older or more aches and pains. It is amazing how this affects our thinking.
2. Use your downtime to gain an education.
Who said it stops when you get your degree and begin your first job? Educating yourself in a lifetime process, we should always strive to be better, to learn new things. I’m not talking about physics or quantum theory (unless that is what interests your) I’m talking about growth and development.
My down time is my 50 miles of commuting a day, five days a week. I choose not to listen to the radio. When I did the traffic would make me tense, and I found that by the time I got home, I wasn’t much fun to be around. Instead, I listen to pod casts, books by my mentors and people that encourage me to grow and be exceptional. I learn new ideas and skills all within my car and my 50 miles of daily commuting. I’ll have the equivalent of a Ph.D. in no time.
3. Who do you surround yourself with?
One repeated theme I have heard from all my teachers and mentors is that those you associate with will define who you are. It is a slow process. If you go out with friends for appetizers and drinks regularly, you will start picking up their habits and ways of thinking.
If you associate with high achievers who are successful, you will pick up their habits and ways of thinking.
Which sounds better to you?
I’m not knocking appetizers and drinks with friends, but are those the people you truly desire to emulate?
4. Make “Me Time” a priority every day.
Here is my calendar talk again. Get a weekly calendar, and the first thing you mark of is some daily time for yourself. It doesn’t have to be a long time just enough to separate, recharge, and reflect. Take this time to see where you are, get to know who you are, and if you need to make some mental adjustments to stay the course.
On my calendar, this is first thing in the morning. I get up 30 minutes before everyone else. I value this time religiously. Do not check emails or look at your social media. This time is way to valuable. This is where you get to know yourself. If you cannot love who you are then why would you expect others to? Take this precious time for yourself. It is very important. (Ask me and I’ll send you the calendar I use.)
5. Be grateful – Everyday.
Negative feelings are like weeds. They grow, and no matter how many times you pull them up, they seem to reappear. But living a life of gratitude will kill the weeds. They cannot inhabit the same space. Don’t give the rote answers; I’m grateful for my family, health, home, and job. We know that. Dig deeper. Make this a practice first thing in the morning and last thing at night.
What you expose your mind to right before sleep is what your subconscious will churn over all night. If the last thing you think of before sleep each night is the things that make you grateful, your sleep will be much better, and you wake up with the feeling of gratefulness — what a way to begin each day.
How can you hold on to hurt, anger, frustrations, and grief when you are grateful?
6. Forgive yourself. Over and over and over
I know from experience that I must forgive myself for the same things many times before I can let it go. The regrets, anger, self-loathing, and disappointments will eat away at you. They affect your outlook, how you feel about yourself, your health, and your relationships. Take an honest look at how far you have come since your mistakes. Learn from them, know they will not be repeated, grow. Love yourself enough to say, “I am sorry” and “I forgive you.” Use it as a path to healing and being a much better person from whatever you did wrong. We all make mistakes.
7. Laugh often. I was listening to something the other day By Jay Shetty that said, “we might laugh about 6 minutes a day. In the 1950s people laughed on average 18 minutes a day. That means our parents were funnier than us”. That made me laugh.
But at that moment I felt great. Laughing clears the lungs and the mind. It lightens the spirit and helps us connect with other people. Watch a funny movie or comedian, watch silly pet videos. Read a funny book. Do whatever you need to but find a way to laugh every day and try for more than 6 minutes.
8. Get out among people and find ways and opportunities to be kind.
If you want to be a person of kindness, then be a person of kindness. You must practice it until it is real and natural. I say hello to everyone and smile at anyone. Before you know it, you are more open with people, more loving, less judgmental and the secret it this. It Feels Great!
9. Get to know yourself as a real friend.
You spend time getting to know others, but how well do you know yourself. We get so lost in our busy lives, and over time, people grow and change. When’s the last time you paid attention to who you have become. Devote some time on reflection and introspection. See how you think about yourself and how you speak to yourself.
We heap so much abuse on ourselves. Negative self-talk consistently reinforces our negative self-image. Turn that around and be kind. Would you tell your teenage daughter that she is fat, or ugly? Why would you say things like this to yourself? We are very abusive and self-destructive. We need to be honest, loving, and supportive to our self just as we would any other best friend.
10. Give yourself a break
I mean cut yourself some slack. If you are like me, you are a high achiever and place large expectations on yourself. Give yourself a break and relax a little. Stop worrying over what others think of you. They aren’t. They are to busy worrying about what people think of them.
Don’t try to conquer the world all on your own. Ask for help. You have people around you who can step up and help. They are so used to you doing everything they don’t offer. But you may be surprised when you ask that they hop right up to lend a hand.
I no longer have to do my son’s laundry, empty the dishwasher, vacuum the house, cook dinner every night, or put the groceries away. I learned to ask for help.
These are just ten simple steps to get you on the path of liking yourself and getting to know yourself better. If practiced consistently, you would notice a shift, a change in a positive direction, and more positive feelings and thinking.
Please share your comments below and let me know what you think or what you have done that has worked for you. We strive to keep getting better. We want to be loved accepted and happy. You can build that future for yourself starting today.
If you would like to go deeper there are a few different ways. You can order my book from Amazon, you can sign up for the intentional Living course or you can begin your life changing one-on-one coaching.
ips for loving yourself more.
Today’s world can be really challenging