The Secret Dreaded Topic

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Peri-menopause. I’ll get it right out in the open. One women’s topic that is not easy to find information. Luckily, I do see more and more women starting to share. Life between 40 and 50 years old is a trial, to say the least. We are at a time in our life that we are expected to be secure, strong, and there for everyone. What is happening is our bodies are revolting, our hormones are all messed, and we don’t know if we are coming or going half of the time. Does that sound familiar to you?

If you are still looking forward to this time in your life here are some of the warning signs that your body and your life are changing.

  • Mood swings
  • Sleeplessness
  • Hot flashes
  • Out of control sweating
  • Depression
  • Sudden outbursts
  • Depression
  • Unscheduled periods
  • Uncontrollable periods
  • Not wanting to be intimate out of fear of burning up your partner or making an embarrassing mess.
  • Weight gain
  • Urine leaks
  • Did I mention mood swings?
  • If you know of more, please share in the comments below.

I didn’t have anyone to talk to about what I was going through. Each month my husband thought I would finally die from massive blood loss. I was tired of having to spend my lunch break buying a new out fit because the one I wore to work was ruined. My husband would no longer cuddle because he said I felt like a furnace.

For some reason, this is one topic between girl friends that is not often brought up. Really, ladies, we need to share more and support each other. Perimenopause can last from 2-10 years. That is a long time to suffer alone. Especially when you are finding it affecting the intimacy of your relationships, how you feel about yourself, and how you are feeling emotionally, I thought something must be wrong or I was going crazy. My moods felt like I was a teenager all over again. My skin thought so also.

In my family, the women who went before me had hysterectomies. They were no help in the guidance department. I finally started to talk to my women doctors. I was able to collect some great information from women who talk to hundreds of ladies going through the same thing.

My one doctor put it best. Perimenopause is the “Storm before the calm.” She also reassured me that the common age for entering menopause is about 52. But, just like girls growing into womanhood, it varies by person. At first, I thought, “So many years left,” but then I realized there is an end in sight and one day I will feel normal again.

In the meantime, here are some helpful things to do during this part of life that we go through, mostly in silence.

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Talk to your girlfriends openly about what each of you are going through. Help by sharing, and not holding everything in will ease your mind and help forestall some of the unexpected things like the mood swings and depression. At least you will know your not crazy and you are better able to go through these without destroying your relationships. You can think your way through a little more rationally.

Were comfortable and loose clothing. When your body heats up, you need the air to help cool down. Wear light colors (Except during your period). Have a fan on your desk at work and near your side of the bed.

Take better care of yourself. Lotion is your friend, dress to feel good about yourself and use light makeup to accent your features. Love who you are and that you have made it to this milestone. Be proud.

Reduce alcohol, smoking, and eat healthily.

Talk to your partner about what changes are happening. Don’t be too graphic, though. Just gentle explanations can help you navigate. Be intimate when you can. I understand that your period can be so strong that you have resorted to sleeping on piles of towels. But when it is over, make a point of remembering the person on the other side and take advantage of your dry days. In between don’t forget touching, caressing and kind words said between you can also go a long way.

If you are concerned about what your body is going through, talk with your doctor. They may have some solutions for you. There are hormone therapies and other options that are available to some.

Always keep in mind that “this is temporary. It to shall pass”. That is another one of my life mantras.  There is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Some day it will all be over, no more monthly feminine products, etc.

When it comes to the man in your life, remember he is also going through changes that are rarely talked about. Between the ages of 40-50, men often evaluate their lives based on that they thought they would have accomplished by now, an often the feel they have fallen short. This is a very hard time for them. They are also dealing with hormone changes. Lower testosterone and a slowing sex drive. Not an easy time for them also. They need a lot of love and encouragement also.

The most important thing you can do is support your friends. Share. Lets get the word out that no one here is crazy, we are just going through a change of life.

I’m looking forward to the 52ish time coming around.

Don’t forget to check out my new book and workbook. Exceptional YOU: Love Yourself Editions, a guide to healing. Available at Amazon and on Kindle.

These are available as print or eBook from Amazon.com

Love & Blessings, 
Ashley J Spurgeon

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