Every Tuesday’s article focuses on self-healing and self-love. I found last week’s article: “Anger and Sadness are Exhausting,” was a very popular topic. It makes me sad to see that to many are drawn to the topic because I know so many feel exhausted from all they carry around inside. It also makes me very hopeful because I know there is a way out of the pain. Each Tuesday for a few weeks, we will break it the path to healing into specifics.
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Today’s topic is “Stop Living in the Past.”
Our memories go back so far. They are hard to erase. They haunt us, keep us up at night, affect our health, well being, happiness, weight, relationships, our job performance. Therefore, we take a holistic approach to life coaching. Everything in our life overlaps into other parts.
Our past hurts, regardless if it is something we did, or someone did to us, we carry around for years. You need to find a place of peace to release the hurt, so it isn’t such a monster on your shoulders. It can make us feel bad about ourselves. The new term I hear other writers refer to these are the gremlins in the mind, or our inner voice. They remind us of our terrible and painful experiences. The gremlins are the voice in our head that tell us we are not good enough, that we are wrong, ugly, etc.
Boy, what a blow to the self-confidence to hear these depressing thoughts on such a regular basis.
So, what can we do about them? Tell them to Shut the H*** up! I wish it were that easy. When you least expect them, they start their chattering in our ear again. It is easy, over time, to make these voices a part of our identity, and they lie, making us think we are not good people. The stress and even the anger build up until we explode like a volcano. Unfortunately, those we lash out are the ones that often least deserve it: our partner, our family, our children, our co-workers.
So, what can we do? (Simple helpful steps with out counseling or life coaching)
- Journal – Do a mind dump. Get all the negative feelings down on paper. A journal is a very private place that no one has the right to look at but you. It can be an illegible, jumbled mess, get it out. Journaling is where you empty your head of all the junk. Then realize that so much that is in there is not something you need to keep. It is a new tool for moving forward. The sad and angry person is not who you should be today and not who you want to be tomorrow. Let’s refill with positive things that you do love about yourself.
- Find positive focuses in your life. I do like affirmations, though your subconscious knows you cannot fool yourself into thinking and feeling another way if it does not ring true for you. Find some that ring true to you. Not just fun sayings that are popular. These need to be personal to you. Put some on your mirror, at your workstation at work, even your desktop wallpaper, and your refrigerator.
- Find hope in the future. Believe in your healing. As you learn to quiet the gremlins, you begin to develop a more positive mind set. Try to avoid using words like can’t, won’t, never. Replace with I can, I will, I always, and put a positive phrase behind it. Don’t talk about what you are not good at, focus on what you do well.
- Live what you want to be. I love the quote, “You must be the change you want to see in your life.” Not sure who said it, but it is one of my mantras. I know if something isn’t going the way I want it to then most likely it is something within myself that is putting up the roadblocks. I try to see why and then get it out of my way.
- Live with the glass half full. If you find your thinking turning negative about yourself, flip it around. Every thought and situation has a flip side. What is the opposite of the negative you are feeling right now? I hate the heat and humidity here in Houston, how I switch that around is I know that I have clearer skin from the heat doing its job. I have a friend that kind of gets on my nerves because she is negative. She is the pessimist to my optimist. When her thinking gets me down, I think I am so grateful that she enjoys spending time with me and I can shine some sunshine her way.
- Smile for crying out loud. Everyone I see now days walks around looking so glum. People are so stuck in their heads, or their devices. Or both. Take a day to leave your phone in your car, take breaks outside and leave the phone on your desk. Each person you pass smile and say a simple hello as you pass. It is amazing the results you get. The greatest result is you start to feel better about yourself. People look up and smile back. Showing kindness, and getting a response back will help build the foundation for feeling better about yourself. People need connections with other people. It is amazing what a smile can do.
You are not the hurt in your life. Don’t wear it as a badge of honor. See how much you have grown, and how it can propel your forward in an amazing direction if you let it. Many times, hurts give us the ground to develop empathy to help someone else going through something similar. I call this building my empathy arsenal. If you do not take active steps to heal and more forward, you will eventually push everyone you love away. Remember they have their own past hurts. Everyone does.
Holding on will keep you stuck in your past instead of moving towards a much happier future. Which do you REALLY want in your life?
If you have had serious trauma in your life now could be a good time to seek a counselor. It is nice to have an objective person to talk to where everything is private and confidential.
If you have done the work to move forward but feel stuck, then a life coach is a great person to work with to set goals and achieve them. Once again private, objective and confidential. It is time to take those steps to set and reach the goals. The plan is to heal the hurt and live a full, happy life of peace, love, and personal success. Contact me for a free consultation and let’s talk about moving you into a life of healing instead of pain. Click here
Love & Blessings,
Ashley J Spurgeon
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Don’t forget to check out my new book and workbook. Exceptional YOU: Love Yourself Editions, a guide to healing. Available at Amazon and on Kindle.
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